I recently joined the Austin Unitarian Young Adult group, also known as YARN, which meets every Wednesday. I've only been to a few meetings but am not nessesarily new to the group since I was raised Unitarian and was quite involved in my high school youth group(YRUU). Many of the people from YRUU now attend YARN meetings and I know them all pretty well. Thats how I was able to identify Selma, a new person who showed up this week.
I also identified her as a sort of hippy nerdly type by her fairly "unique" sense of style;
Perhaps it was the black beret tilted at a jaunty angle, the blue tie dyed shirt topped with a vest, or perhaps the large necklace that identified her as pagan. Of course this didn't mean I didn't like her. God no, people should dress as they please. It was her voice and permanant look of worry on her face that made me wary.
She explained that she'd moved here 6 months ago and was having trouble making friends.
As she spoke I'd decided that while seemed to have nice intentions she tended to go on a bit about her problems and the problems of the world, soon holding the group hostage with her tales of woe.
Eventually side conversations started but I stayed with my face pointed in her direction, possibly trying to give unity to Kay, who had made eye contact with Selma and could not break away. Finally she stopped and other, more interesting people took her place, laughter and joyful tones enlivened once more.
Possibly the saddest part of the night was the end, when we were all washing the potluck dishes and getting ready to leave.
"What is everyone doing now?" Selma asked, "do you guys want to do something else?"
"I have to go home!" I said in alarm and I excused myself by way of Dan, who would be getting off work soon and would have to be let into the apartment since he didn't have a key.
While the others mumbled about heading home as well, I jumped on my bike and pedaled away, cheerfully listening to The Beatles.
It's not that I don't sympathise with Selma. It can be very difficult to make friends in a town where you have no one, something I learned from personal experience. After a while your willing to be friends with anyone, you're not in a position to be choosey and unfortunately they are. My advice to Selma is to use this extra time to become more interesting.
8 comments:
Hey, I'm in a new town, too, and it's very frustrating, trying to meet people that you get along with.
I can't believe you passed her up!
But, at the same time, if she was boring, I'd rather listen to the Beatles, too.
At least you've got your internet friends!
Yeah, internet friends are cool for backing you up in an internet fight at an internet bar.
And your description of your YARN group sounds exactly like my Catholic young adults group, except that we will put up with exactly ZERO bullshit from pagans.
We were trying to decide what method to use but we've narrowed it down to either breaking her will or simply burning the witches at the stake. Now, I know it's not very Unitarian, but sometimes there are special circumstances.
From experience, I can tell you that burning someone at the stake, while effective for your short term goals, can create PR nightmares for your organization later on down the line.
I've been new in town a few times myself (I just moved to Austin a month ago) and it IS really frustrating to make friends. Especially if your truely on your own. I'm sure I'll be desperately making phone calls to hang out with Selma in a matter of weeks.
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