My friend Natalie is pregnant. She's my age but already has experienced pregnancy twice before; Once when she was sixteen and again at 21. The first time she had an abortion, the second time she was due to miscarry so she had another abortion. This time she couldn't go through that again, this time she's decided to do everything she can to prevent a miscarraige and she is not considering abortion.
The father is a 34 year old man we'll call Mister. Mister freaked out utterly when she told him she was pregnant. No, that's not true actually. When she first told him they talked about it and he told her it was her choice, he'd support her no matter what. It was when she told him her choice was to keep it that he freaked out and refused to see her or talk to her about it. They have mutual friends and there have been times when she comes to visit that she can see him run out the back door, hiding till he can escape.
Recently she made her first doctors appointment and decided to tell him in the off chance he'd be interested. She wrote him an email:
Dear Mister,
Just wanted to let you know I've made a doctors appointment for next Wednesday in case you feel like coming, I'll be getting the first sonogram.
Natalie
The next day he wrote back:
Do not contact me. If you have to then you can do it through my lawyer.
He included the name of the lawyer as well as the phone number, she called it.
"I do not respresent this person" the lawyer told her.
Natalie emailed Mister:
The lawyer says he doesn't know you or represent you.
Mister wrote back:
Ok, don't contact me or my lawyer, I'll contact you when I want.
Now, I realise that suddenly being made a father can be a real headspin, but what has this guy not done in his life that at 34 he can't handle this kind of situation more maturely? He feels he's been left out of the final choice but as my friend Amy says "He made his choice when he decided it'd be ok to have sex without a condom, after she warned him that she was a really fertile person."
3 comments:
It's too easy for guys to be jerks... he can just ignore her, move to a different state, pretend to be a nice guy and start sleeping with someone else.
What a fucking douchebag, thank God for paternity laws.
"You know, it's your choice and I'll stand behind you whatever you choose."--This is the douchebag guy-talk equivalent of "Now, put the gun down, real slow, we're not going to hurt you, we just want to talk."
I commend your friend's moral bravery. There are many people who can help her with her situation at crisis pregnancy centers, religious and secular. The Catholic one is called The Gabriel Project, and there is also Catholic Charities for every diocese. All are very hands-off about religious issues, they're not there to convert, they are there to help anyone who needs it.
The numbers for the Austin Gabriel Project:
512-238-1246
512-236-0144
I just remembered that you live in NZ now... is this a NZ friend?
She's an Austin friend. Luckily we've got a really good group of friends that will be there to support her and help her and she's actually a trained midwife so she knows a bit about what to do. Thanks for the numbers, I'll pass them along.
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