The discussion

During a recent conversation with Daniel over the topic of children I told him that I was interested in adopting.

"Why would you want to adopt if you can have children of your own?" he asked.

"Because you have the opportunity to change someone's life completely!" I said, flabbergasted that he would say such a thing.

" Why shouldn't you? It's not just about satisfying a need to have children, it's also about giving children a good home. There are so many kids that will go to shitty foster homes or to adoptive parents that don't care or are abusive."

"Well, yes that's true. But don't you want your own children? Maybe I sound selfish but I've always really wanted someone that came from me." He crossed his arms and sat back.

"I know. Most people want that and I think it's understandable. I just think there are people that should consider both ways if they can. I mean, if you have the means and the desire to raise a child why not at least consider both options?"

"There are risks with the kids though." Dan reminded me "What if they inherited a drug addiction from their parents, or illnesses or have big emotional problems?"

"Well, right, you've got to be careful. I mean you should always consider if you can handle something like that. But thats not all children and they should talk to you about it before going through the process."

"Ok, so would you want to adopt before having your own kid or after?"

I considered this. "Well, if we're talking about a big family, like more than 2 kids, I'd do the adoption either first or last, but not the middle.Maybe last."

"I'd go for last as well. I don't know though, I wouldn't want to adopt if it's at the expense of our own child." He said definitively

"What are you talking about, at the expense? Would you care for our biological baby more than the adopted?" I couldn't believe it. " Like you don't want the adopted kid's need for attention to take away from our own?! Why would having four with two of each be any different than deciding to have four of blood!!? Having the second kid would be at the expense of the first no matter what!"

"No, I mean I don't want to go ahead and adopt a kid and then you just decide you don't want to birth at all. You can just take it away!" He stuck his finger in the air as if pointing to the morals of the situation.

I laughed. "Ohh! why would you think I'd do that?"

" Why would you think I'd be mean to my adopted kid?"

I laughed,"Fair enough. Ok, so you'd at least consider going halvsies?"

"Yeah, I'd do that."

We shook hands.

"Whatever made you so into adoption anyway?" He wondered.

"I have no idea." I shrugged" but you know when you were growing up, how you'd sometimes think about what your life would be like in the future, when you were older. Just sort of took a glance at what you thought it would be like?"

He nodded so I continued

"And how for you, it was a big family, kind of like the one you grew up in? When I took a look it was always with adoption in mind, a small to medium family in a cool city that wasn't Texas..." I paused, smiling "and a hot foreigner as my husband."

"Sweet!" He grinned, "But we're going to have to talk about that 'small family' thing..."