Spanish knobskin sues victims family for damages to his car

From OverQualified

This is one of my favorite essays from Over Qualified:

Once, a girl and I were in bed together, masturbating. She was on her back, naked, touching herself, and I was above her, mostly naked, doing the same. I was eighteen or nineteen years old, and all I could think about was coming on her breasts. You know, like on the Internet. I think, probably, I was saying something to that effect. I wasn't mentioning the Internet, of course, but I was saying I'm going to come on you, I'm going to come on you. I'm classy like that. I don't remember how she felt about the whole coming-on-her idea, actually, but I can tell you that I was very excited about it. I was almost lying on top of her. I was leaned forward so far. So when I felt my orgasm coming, I looked down between us to watch for, "the come shot."

And then I came in my own eye. It came right at me, like a 3D movie gone terribly wrong, and it stung. I started clawing at my face. She laughed and laughed while I tried frantically to wipe my eye clean. She was curled up naked on the bed, laughing so hard there were tears. I started laughing too. I couldn't help it. We both laughed until it hurt, until the muscles in our cheeks were sore from smiling, and then we looked up at her ceiling, on our backs, exhausted. For the rest of that afternoon, every once in a while one of us would start laughing again and then so would the other. It is one of my favourite memories.
-Joey Comeu

A bucket list

I haven't watched the movie "The Bucket List", probably because I'm not a middle aged man. But I have written a bucket list before, and accomplished most of the things on it. It's a sort of birthday tradition to do at least one thing on that list, or to at least do something memorable that I haven't done before. Scheduling a sky dive, bungee jump, seeing a kiwi bird takes the pressure off what to do on a birthday and still makes it a celebration. Writing the list usually happens around the new year, to take the pressure off whether or not to make resolutions. It's a chance to face a myriad of the ridiculous fears left over from child hood or the angst of the teens. This years list has been a little more difficult to compile, not because there aren't enough things for me to do, but because the more easy to accomplish have been done. The new list is shorter but will take more work than laying down for a tattoo. Here is most of it:

• Go back to school, stay there until a degree is given. Be smarter.
  
• Purchase or otherwise attain a keyboard, practice every day for a year from the day.
  
• Continue trapeze and acrobat work, get good, get strong, get discipline.
• See more of the world. I have a month-long trip around Asia planned from the end of Feb.
• Take more chances, say yes to your destiny.
• Don't be dirt poor. Get a better job or ask for a raise if you need/deserve it.
  
• Be as honest as possible, especially in close relationships ie: friends, family, romantic. This just means be as honest about feelings, wishes, hide less, cut through unnecessary man made shit.
• Fire a real gun (in a safe place at a target)
  

Accomplishing these things is going to be good.They will happen.

Sensitive

As we entered the carnival I saw to my left a huge moonwalk covered with kids running up the airfilled steps and sliding down the sides. The moonwalk was shaped like a sinking boat. "Is that supposed to be the Titanic?" I asked, turning to the elderly man standing next to me. He nodded, then cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted "Too soon!" and turned away in a angrily.

Nelson to Wellington

I printed my boarding pass online which meant that I did not go to the counter and so forgot to check my bag. It wasn't until I was on the runway actually looking at the door when I realized "this bag isn't going to fit in there! Why am I carrying it?" luckily as this came over me I turned to see the baggage handler watching me with a smile. I laughed and rolled my eyes to the sky as if to say "how foolish! I have forgotten to check my bag!" He laughed in response and took the bag from me, for which I was glad.