Ugh. Hungover at work. Peeling the ride from 35 lemons, squeezing out the juices. Repetitive. My hands hurt. The little cuts from the little knives, my hands are cracked and dry from over-washing. Workers hands. hmph. Thinking and over thinking everything-king.King. Ugh. So repetitive this work, this life. No it isn't. Yes it is. Cyclical, typical, is that what you want to be? Iis that what you want? Melt into boredom and just give up on anything? Is that what you're doing? Boss says that my saying that giving up (temporarily) my education isn't very feminist is a strong statement. I suppose to some the word feminist is a strong statement. These people are nice and sometimes hilarious, but far too straight for my liking. They still think interracial relationships are "wow" worthy. They still mull over the "how" and"why" someone "chooses" to be gay. I keep my mouth closed at these mullings because it seems possible that where I am is not where they are and that maybe where I am is "far out". I am "hung over" good Gooood. Lemons. Lemon cakes need lemon juice needs sugar. Needs...760 grams? I don't want to ask again, she'll know I've forgotten and possibly, therefore, don't care how many grams of sugar this juice needs, even though I've done it every day for 2 weeks. Who cares? Do I really want to be good at baking anyway? Some people aren't good at some things. Then again...if I were crap at something I'd gotten into, like sword fighting, even if I didn't really like it I'd do everything to not be the worst and possibly be the best. And if I were shit I'd crack jokes to distract from my shitty sword work.
People who are into swords are often weird. I don't know anyone that does, anymore. Greg is getting married. He's the first ex of mine to get married, weird. No, that's not true, Jed is getting married and I knew that over a month ago. I guess I'm truly over Jed but not enough over Greg to not be affected by his getting married. It's not like I want to marry him though. I guess I'm less connected with his life. It's more of a suprise. Marriage. How do people decide when it's right? To me traditional marriage feels like a sham. I couldn't do it without feeling like a liar. I'm more freaked out by the idea that I'm of an age where it's normal for people to get married. It's so far and away. I get the idea of a long-term relationship. I don't get the idea of monogamy for years and years. I get trust, I don't get suffocating. Ungh, why so many wines with the girls, the night before work? I can't get out of my head and...eh fuckit.