LambMan

It was nearing the end of work today and everyone was busy at a task. Dylan was cutting pieces of lamb from a roast for sandwich meat, Wren was cleaning the floor and I was scraping the burnt, baked on shit from a huge stack of baking trays. Dylan turned to wash his hands and felt something gross and smelly being placed on his shoulder. He looked over and saw Wren, grinning as she moved her hand quickly away from the huge piece of lambskin that was now on his shoulder. "Oh yuck!" He exclaimed "I thought I felt something disgusting on me!".
"Hey" I interrupted "people pay a lot of money for lambskin. You should be thinking about what you'll do with it." I paused with my work "and maybe thank Wren, while you're at it." I went back to scraping a tray, "Ungrateful!"

He laughed, holding up the skin "Maybe I could make a suit."

"I think you'll only get a thong out of that"

He shrugged, "I'll collect so much that I'll have a whole outfit. I could be LambMan" He skewered a piece of meat and held it up to me
"forgo your vegetarian ways, they are useless against the LambMan!"

"Will you make a mask as well?" I asked, swatting away the meat.

"I'm not Hannibol Lector" He frowned

I was in the ladies room of a music venue, waiting for a stall to open. A dark haired woman of about 22 was washing her hands. I was very tired from staying out late the night before and then walking all over the city and it’s suburbs for most of the day. Before we came to the show it’d seemed like every bar and pub was standing room only. It made sense though, the All Blacks had just finished winning against the Aussies and after the game the people poured out of the pub and into the street, crowding into the bars to induce a celebratory hang over for the next morning. When we arrived at 10:00 for the show meant to start at 9:30, we stood again in a crowd with no where to lean or place one’s bum. All this meant that my legs ached and I was looking forward to being able to have a nice sit-down when my chance for a toilet came. The dark-haired woman turned to me suddenly and stood close. I managed a vague smile.

“Do you remember The Exponents?” she said strongly.

“Er, yep.” I flustered, confused by the unexpected twist the trip to the toilet had taken.

“Name some of their songs then” She demanded, crossing her arms.

Was this a test? What was going on? What are some Exponents songs?!

“Victoriaaa, what do you want from him, waaant from him” I sang.

“Yeah ok, and what else?” she said, her intensity bizarrely out of place. I trucked on, not wanted to fail, not when it came to music quizzes.

“What Ever Happened to Tracy?”

“Yeah, yeah” Unimpressed, she moved her hands in the international “move it along” rotation.

“Fly awayyy into the blue skies.” I sang again, privately thanking my father for a singing voice.

“And?”

“Um, yeah I can’t think of anything else.”

“Ok.” She nodded, as if committing my answers to memory. Then she left.

I stood there for a moment. I still couldn’t think of any other Exponents songs.

A stall opened and I looked at the eyes of the girl who came out, to see if she’d over heard. She looked back impassively, then washed her hands. She hadn’t.

“huh” I Thought as I went into the stall “I’m definitely telling the guys about this.”

Words that mean the same thing

• Vomit
• Barf
• Puke
• Regurgitate
• Reverse
• Toss your cookies
• Purge
• Hurl
• Sick
• Throw up
• Upchuck
• Use the big white telephone
• Worship the porcelain God
• Check on lunch