What we want and what we need
the two may intersect
but the feelings that direct us often veer off track
if you want it right this minute chances are
you shouldn't have
but you did it anyway and now it's emptiness, come back

Rushing to the point of your most urgent of needs
is disaster in the making
just needs the truth to intercede
Feel it all, wash it through you
why don't you sit and just be still
not as fun as making time with the confusion of desires' will.

Just a couple of sassy gals!

This is great, isn't it?
Living together
exercising together
double dates with cute men
cooking, not together but we share food on occasion.
Our cat...well it's not my cat
but it's allowed in my room
sometimes.
I get more sun.
Up til now, life has never been
this way.
not for me.
two women in their 30's
(ok just me. But almost you!)
living together
running around in sweet independence
turns out that this
is my definition of happiness.
Not forever but
right now, it's pretty damn good.

She asks "why so many cat pictures?"
Have you ever woken up
to a small, warm, squishy being
laying on your chest
it's face, centimeters from your own
soothing sounds, it's contentment assured
it's little limbs splayed but gripping
you, like a tiny invasive hug?
But in honesty, I think the creature is in my brain.
I am covered in it's hair.

same same but different

It's different when you're older

sex is

the excitement is still there but anxiety

it's not necessary and instead you find 

they know what they're doing

and so do you and

every one. is so. happy.

Adventures of Mullet Mom: On Turning 30

Adventures of Mullet Mom: On Turning 30: "Thirty, sounds dirty, like thirsty, 30 years, 30 hours, more than a day. 30 minutes to myself as sweetpea does her late nap thing. 30 breath..."

baby don't hurt me

Relationships. Nearly everyone is in one or wants to be in one and everyone goes about that so differently. It rests in the intention I guess. I have always gone into them quickly but with full force, giving a lot, wanting to give a lot, wanting...that intangible thing that I see my parents have. I tried to shape these relationships into "the one" without realizing it.

I'm more romantic than I thought.

Frustrated, I wondered if I even knew what that kind love was, if I could even recognize it, if it were even real or just something people fooled themselves into. Do I get a soulmate, if there is such a thing? Trying and trying to figure it out, breaking hearts, breaking my own heart along the way...what is love???

Eventually hitting the equivalent of rock bottom, feeling awkward and wooden around people, going completely crazy, letting my mind go into a rocketship roller coaster and generally spend the first part of my trip in Europe not knowing if I were sitting or standing up.

And then, Amsterdam.

Suddenly the skies clear and I find myself in a park, realizing I'm letting go of all these fears, of all these things I think I should be, how I should act, what a relationship is supposed to look like or how a partner is supposed to be or act. It sounds cheesy but I felt myself just filling up with love, my heart was full again.

and its fucking awesome.

"Your marriage partner is the only family member you get to choose and you expect me to make that precious choice based on superficial qualifications?"

so much nobility

"hiding your ex's on facebook is one of mankind's most noble pursuits"

Dudes be warned

From the blog of Christopher Zane

RP had just finished a story about how a friend of his elected to live on the street after a bad breakup.

"Most men shouldn't be allowed to be single," I said. "Without women, it's an inevitable devolution into the lowest standard of living we allow ourselves. Before you know it your dinners consist of fistfuls of fajita chicken consumed in front of an open refrigerator while you're wearing your underwear."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"Yup."

avoidance

That uncomfortable feeling

we both have

Let's not force it, eh?

any more time spent

together

and we'll soon be fighting about,

God, who cares what...

but how you drive

and how I cook

most likely

"if you love me now this is only because you are not seeing the whole

of me (thinks the (Groucho)Marxist), and if you're not yet seeing the

whole of me it would be crazy to grow used to your love until such

time as you do"

-Alain DeBotton

what could be more

i'mportant

on a rainy day

when the sky has turned

against your plans

than staying here

drinking this hot tea

and watching this French film

that doesn't seem

to have

a point

Dead Christmas trees run down the street

Footprints crease the ice and sleet

Laughter sounds out to the night

Mouths wide open, eyes shine bright

Pine needles cling to hair bleached white

And wild mane, dark as night

Midnight gone and long forgotten

When glasses clinked and coats were brought in

To a moment one could not forget

A time when you felt infinite.

Meg Cusack, age 18

status updates/quotes

‎"Republicans might be willing to let homosexuals die for their country once everyone making over $500,000/year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and is, by law, addressed as 'gov'nor' in an English accent." - John Oliver on repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

"WikiLeaks is what happens when the entire US government is forced to go through a full body scanner. -Evgeny Morozov"

"Have you helped a lovely widowed wife of a rich Nigerian Official with her money transfer troubles recently?-Savia Stevenson"

"I think it's perfectly alright for a woman to be mannish" Carol Burnett

Eggs

Message Received 10:45 AM: Hey I moved your eggs, they're on the top shelf now not the side. In case you can't find them later.

Message Received 10:47 AM: Mark the day and time, most boring text ever. Sorry!

We all make choices

it's an addiction, a need, a drive.

Mom says our dad goes by rational, he trusts his head before anything. She herself has a heart which is number one we choices must be made, big or little.

My brother and I are guts(y) people but from different angles, different perspectives. Right field. Left field. Not always(not often) what you expect, not even from each other.

From him I learned that often black and white are better than gray. Gray may be most diplomatic or fair but sitting in gray gets you no where. Also I learned that when you choose black or white, be confident in your choice, stand by it and back it up, back yourself up in the same action.

Mom taught me empathy: care please, about others. Consider what they're going through, try to understand them before making a judgment. Be kind to yourself, you don't owe anybody anything that compromises your health or happiness, and do see that that applies just the same for those anybody while you're at it.

Dad is funny, we might be the same in temperament though we make choices differently. Butting heads all the time, but with a sense of humor. There's no reason not to see the humor, no matter the situation. Life is funny, choices are funny and be sure of that. Be rational, break apart a situation. This happened, why did it happen, how did it happen, what're you going to do about?



and always push push push, move forward, expect more of yourself, know who you are and why you take these directions.

Life is for living.

what do you do when you don't know what else to do?

Stay home, listen to music, drink several large jars of water

What sort are you

There comes a time when you realize an utter truth about yourself, that at the culmination (20-35) of your time here, you just realized: this is me.
ASAt a certain degree, this is the driving force inside you that makes decisions, causes your effect.

In myself is the adventurer, but more than that, an adventurer that feels they can't say no but still has the will to know the difference between rational risk and mortal danger. I will not try just anything, but in the act of saying no I will feel some guilt, for not being trying this new thing. For what other reason is there in living but to take on the things which scare us?
I will always be wanting more from my life, will expect it.

In your existence, who are you and what do you want?

falling in love is like taking a deep breath after holding it for so, so long