The sons gotta shine
yeah he's gonna need time
to figure out a few rhymes
and...work is just a distraction
a forced life time of bizarre interactions
with people you'd never think to call friends but
in the end it builds character.

The Burn

Today at work I had to cut onions. They stung my eyes and made me cry in front of everyone. I looked like a terrible fool. I hate onions!

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
that is circling all round the sun
and when we meet on a cloud
I’ll be laughing out loud
I’ll be laughing with everybody I see
can’t believe how strange it is to be anything at all

It's hard being a girlfriend these days. First things are great - you get to have sex with a new person, you're feeling liberated and ready to have new adventures in the bedroom. Then you realize how common putting it in the butt is, and you aren't so sure that's for you. But everyone is doing it, it's the new oral. Speaking of oral, don't forget to swallow or it means you don't care/are stunted sexually. You think you want a threesome but actually you're suddenly too shy and too afraid to find someone and if you did try they'd have to be just right so there'd be no regrets. What about the poop, girls? That shit on his wee man doesn't fuck with your head? Man...

There's also no such thing as "environmentally-friendly." The environment doesn't need friends, because it is the environment. And even if the environment wanted friends, do you really think it would want to be friends with you? I mean, come on, look at you.-Jeff Rowling