Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Thursday, February 09, 2006

When all is said and done

When the buildings fall and crumble
and all is said and done
the cockaroaches will come out
to rule the world of none.

With tiny feelers pointed straight
they'll touch and taste the dust
and drink the water filled with rubble
and tinted red with rust.

Invincibly they'll roam the land
they'll skitter to and fro
invading all that men built up
and reaping what we sow.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The night before I was meant to leave Nelson for Wellington,(and then Auckland, and then the airport)I found myself at the second going-away party thrown by my friends, fellow barstaffers and the bars owner. It began as a pleasant evening, though somewhat dampened by a friends absence.

Earlier in the day I'd gone to visit her at work and found her pale faced and hunched.

"What's wrong Val?" I wondered

"Ohh, just feelin' a bit sick" She said. Because of her thick scottish accent the words sounded delightful though the meaning of them was less so.

"I've bloody thrown up twice today; my brother's sick as well"

I worried about what this meant for my party, since Val was often a good person to have around when you wanted to encourage people to be funny and loud by way of booze. On top of that, if both she and her brother were sick then that meant that her friend and roommate, Maggie, would be taking car of them instead of making things more interesting at the party.

"I'm sure you'll feel better soon" I felt selfishly hopeful.

"Oh, I hope so, I feel like shite, I'm fuckin' projectin' from both ends." she lay on the floor "Oh Madge, I'm sorry. I hope I'll get better by tonight so's I can go to your party but at the mo' I'm not sure I can even stay at work."

"Can I get you..." I watched Val jump from the floor and run down the hallway to the bathroom.

Sounds of vomiting followed. My optimism waned and when she came back I had given up the idea of convincing her to come reguardless of vomit. Instead I called her friend who came to pick her up and hugged them both goodbye, careful to make sure no microbes got into my mouth.


The party was fun reguardless. My boss stayed for a few drinks, told a few of those irish stories that have unpredictable endings and then left, leaving the tab open for us to abuse.

The next day I was awoken by my friend A.J. whose house I'd ended up in. He reminded me that I had a bus to catch and could not be late.
I looked around the room, groggy, unbalanced and still drunk. Rick was laying on the mattress next to me, looking pleased that it was not he who was getting up.
As I stood up I knew it would not be an easy day. I fell back down with the hope that circumstances would change but alas, A.J. showed up a few minuts later.

"I've put your things in my car, are you ready to go?"
I groaned, said goodbye to Rick and made my way to the car.

Once on the bus I felt a little more relieved. At this was familiar territory.
I'd just spent the last month travelling alone around New Zealand by way of bus. Most of that time was spent alchohol-free, but at one point I'd stayed with Val's friends in Queenstown. They were 5 Scottish and Irish lad's that seemed to drink endlessly, eat little and rarely sleep. I'd spent the bus ride leaving Queenstown, much like this one, trying not to make a scene.

I kept my sunglasses and hat on and succeeded in trying to sleep. The ride wasn't long enough for me recover (1 hour as opposed to one day) but I was able to enlist the bus driver to carry my big box to the ferry luggage check-in, something that would have been difficult whether or not I was sick.

I had an hour to wait and I utilized that time by throwing up stomach acid in the public bathroom. I'd reached the point of not caring about public opinion as soon as I'd gotten on the bus. Survival was most important.

After a while the ferry came and I found a quiet seating area in which to lay back and visualize a calm stomach. By this time I was very hungry and very, very thirsty but I knew it was unlikely I would be able to eat for a while.
I took a sip of water which made my acid-torn throat feel good.
The ferry set out and I felt optimistic about the trip. The ferry rocked to one side. It rocked to the other. I clenched my teeth and felt the water I'd drunk sloshing around, aggrivating my insides.
For the 300th time I questioned why I'd gotten so drunk the night before I had an important trip to make. Why Madge, you upchucking fool?

I reached the bathroom, threw my backpack into a stall and shut the door.
As I threw up I heard a strange noise from the stall next to me. It sounded familiar...

The moment struck me with compassion and a bizarre feeling of sisterly love* as we threw up simultaneously to the sound of spashing waves against the rocking boat.




*Perhaps this feeling is familiar to anorexics?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I got 99 problems and you are one

I was falling asleep in bed after a long day at the sushi restaurant where I worked. It was a busy Friday, and my shift that began at 10:30 a.m. ended, at last, at 12 a.m.

Hart, who had spent another solid day as a jobless man, came in and laid down next to me.

I already knew what was coming, but I hoped that perhaps he would leave me to sleep instead of asking me for sex, as he did every night.*

We talked for a little while; I told him about work and the comically sexist things my Japanese boss yelled and he told me how much he'd saved by buying pot from our friend's roommate down the street. He began cuddling me closer; I knew what was coming and I dreaded it.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear. "Wanna have sex?"

"I really don't want to," I whispered.

"Why not?"

Not wanting to site the overused "I'm too tired," as a reason, I opted for one of the many other choices available.

"Calvin, Shoop, Carson and Steg are all sitting right outside the door."

"They won't be able to hear us; we can be really quiet"

"We don't have a door, they definitely will hear us. Hell, they can probably even see us."

"Come on, they won't even know." He was grinning.

I felt annoyed that he was persisting and more annoyed that I'd not only been asleep, I'd had to work while he'd sat around the apartment watching movies and smoking out.

"Anyway I'm tired from working all day and I still have a yeast infection." I rolled over and closed my eyes to show how sleepy I was.

"You can't still have one."He said, crowding me against the wall."You know, sex would probably help it go away."

I was incredulous. "I'm pretty sure it irritates and makes it worse. Sex and dairy: both bad for the infection. Aside from making it worse in the long run it's also painfully uncomfortable to do it with an infection."

Surely this information would soften his demand; he cared for me and surely would not want to coerce me into sex that was painful! That would make it unenjoyable for both of us!

"Aww, baby, I didn't know that." He gently kissed the back of my neck. "I'll have to be quick then."

I rolled back over and used the wall as a brace as I pushed him off the bed with my feet.

"What?" Hart said from the floor.

Turning back to the wall, I pulled the banket over my head and shut my eyes.

Sometimes when you ignore a problem, it does go away.



*Before I continue, I feel that I must say that I enjoy sex when the pleasure and amount of energy put in is reciprocal, when it does not become a chore, and when I am not guilted or badgered into it, especially if I am on my period or perhaps have a yeast infection from having terrible sex too often.